As a few of you know I started rowing in July along with 30 odd mums – on our first night I was so anxious, so nervous and petrified 😫. I was embarking on ‘something new’ – I was excited and intrigued – rowing was a complete blank canvas – (my daughter started it in Sept and loves it) – so hence I found myself on Portora Wharf – a novice – but with guidance, laughter  and my fellow comrades it has turned out to be fulfilling, affirming and enjoyable – tonight a couple of weeks later since starting it was exhilarating because as we all rowed the flow of collective individuals united to move together, (even though we got drenched at one point), we listened to our coach, listened to ourselves and moved united!

This evening I could still feel the nervousness of trying to remember all the moves, perfect my stroke and not let the boat down !

I realised that my fears are my own nuances – the coaching is superb, my fellow females are amazing – the insecurities arise in me –

WHY ? I asked myself ? The day after ‘Dishwasher dad died’ I said to the ‘Cups’ 😔, ‘this is quite scary – I’ve been left in charge’, (I hadn’t signed up for a solo tour of duty in parenting)! It was to be a dual partnership with Gary naivigating and me creating moments of craziness!

Alex the Cup said to me ‘are you up to the job mum?’, I replied ‘we’ve no choice daddy has left the hippy in charge!’ (Even as I replied the butterflies fluttered in my tummy and panic swirled around and throughout my being)!

The hippy Dishwashing mum over two years later has and is navigating the Dishwashing family life – (even if it is in her mad crazy way!). Just like I’m navigating the rowing, I keep going, I keep listening, I keep trying and somehow it’s working (like rowing it sometimes flows beautiful, sometimes the currents are choppy, other times I just stop, pause for a rest and regather my strength to continue when I’m tired or overwhelmed, and when I don’t know or can’t,  I just ask for help!)

Rowing mums – I’m just sorry I ‘crabbed’ when we were in full flow tonight! The most important thing we are told is to keep following the bum in front as it allows for a collective togetherness of moving as one – as a parent I’m following the Cups, engaging the support of family and friends and listening to my own movements – (just like rowing – following the fabulous young coaches and the amazing rowing ladies!).

When I row I’m nervous, I’m focused, I’m scared, I’m exilirated and I can’t quite believe I’ve done it – that’s how I feel about being a widow and mum!

Whether it’s the collective movement of parenting with the Cups at my side, or rowing in unisome with the mums the journey is enjoyable and excites my soul (when we get it right the feeling is europhric and feels so natural), and even when I mess up, I just look ahead and pick up the ‘stroke’ and I’m off again! (whether with the Cups at home or in the boat on Lough Erne).

Hence like rowing I’m managing to navigate the course of the Dishwashing family and my ‘stroke’ is not to bad and (quite often I hear the whisper of Dishwasher man giving me his gentle instruction, guidance and support) this gives me strength xox