As I ponder on 2017 I realise I’ve encountered and experienced a lot of change.. but the difference this year compared to years previous is that I instigated or controlled the change!

Change can be difficult, traumatic, needed, a relief, enforced or embraced…however it comes we can’t and won’t alter its direction but we have control on how we manage the change…sometimes we falter, sometimes we stand strong, we might cry or laugh, be angry or happy…however and whenever Change meets us we have a reaction!

Sometimes our reactions are rehearsed, sometimes they are improvised – each reaction tells us something about where we are in our journey of life!

2017 the second year of grief was without question my darkest moments of coping with my change to my Dishwashing family life! It all started on New Years Day as we snorkelled in the Thai sea – I stopped – yes I finally stopped and took a breath – I was hurting – really hurting and I then allowed myself the time to journey through my grief – in my first year as a mum I had to see to the Cups – now I had to see to myself – what did I do??

Well initially I continued in my ‘mad cap vein’ of crazy madness and continued to the point where my body had to start shouting at me – I took panic attacks – my skin broke out – my face aged – I was tired, scared and broken!!

Finally due to outside influences ‘I stopped’ – yes at Easter I said ‘No More’ – it was ‘No More’ to situations that were toxic to me, no more to feeling ‘I can do this’ and I was kind to myself!

I left my job – I walked and hiked outdoors with wonderful ladies, I took up rowing and I reconnected with my Cups – I slowed life – I walked instead of frantically running, I slept instead of staying up to all hours – I started to be kind to me!

I reflected on my journey of illness with Gary, I reflected on his death, I reflected on my new role as a single mum…

Slowly and gradually the ‘old me’ started to return – I took early retirement (I did panic about its implications but it worked out fabulously).. I reconnected with my passions – creating – acting – directing – and my reconnections with the Cups strengthened!

As I approach this year ending I feel the glimmer of happiness embedding again in our Dishwashing Family – the Cups radiate it continually – to my beautiful family and friends thank you for wiping my tears, hugging my body and supporting my soul!!

Bring on the changes for 2018 – may they be beautiful and filled with love for us all x

May 2018 bring us all fabulous health and happiness xox