I always find when I sit down to write that I don’t quite know what words will flow out, but I am conscious of what I want to say… usually an idea comes to me when I am out running…yesterday and today as I put one foot in front of the other on my run I was aware that once again my life is about to change…at the end of this week I finish my fabulous job which I started in September with the ‘Mums Wellness Project’, and I will be moving to Sure Start as a Family Support Worker…it was a planned change…it is my 4th job since Gary has died, and hopefully it will be my last move in employment for a few years…

I was chatting with a friend the other day about how much my life has changed in the last eight years, and so drastically in the last four years since Gary left our family physically…

In life ‘change is constant and continual’, some changes we can plan for, like my new job, some changes are because it has to change as life is just not working out, that is when I left my career in lecturing, the ‘work-life’ balance was ‘off kilter’ and I needed change to heal my heart, and my Cups needed me to cater for their ever changing needs as they became teenagers and life without dad!

What I have realised about change is that there is a choice, maybe immediately we may not manage our choices adequately, or very effectively for our own ‘well-being’, but eventually with any change after the initial ‘reactive response’ which is often a manic spin, there usually ensues moments which are less likely to ‘toss you’ about and a gentle cycle allows one to contemplate choice in a more enlightened and informed manner…

…for some of us the moments to change our setting ourselves can be quick and decisive, for some of us the ability and strength to make a personal choice with regards to change can take longer and require much more energy and time…

With the correct support and love for ourselves, and from others, choice for ourselves will appear, and the importance of that moment is to manage your choice in your own way to ensure that your change of circumstances does not impact more negatively on your life!

In the midst of our ‘crazy cycle’ of illness, Dishwashing dads mantra was, ‘Tracey we can’t change what is happening to us, but we have control on how we manage it…’ and it has been my mantra of instruction as I negotiate life as a widow and single mum!

I haven’t always got my choice correct, in the last four years due to grief I have been very reactionary, I have also been numb, very numb, and slowly I have started to thaw out, slowly choices have been more considered, and slowly my head and heart are beginning once again to respond, react and rally as one…this has allowed my ‘well-being’ to heal, the hurt is still there but my choices for myself and my Cups means we are now really starting to feel the joy of happiness again, in our hearts and home, and Gary is still very much in the centre of our choices because he is in the centre of our hearts, and our Dishwashing family due to our memories and love for one another…

The simple solution I feel which has managed more effective healing choices for me and the Cups has been the love of family and friends along with patience, kindness and time…and what I have realised is that Gary and I always showered the Cups with time, with moments together (Alex was just chatting about our winter walks in Necarne and Sunday walks in Florencecourt with the barbeque for tea in the park)…so it would seem that the choice to spend time, give hugs and be in love certainly seems to support choice in change positively xox