I have to be honest I’ve started a few posts during Lock Down and I’ve abandoned them…that got me thinking… Why?

The separation of Lock Down has reminded me, rebooted me, and remoulded me.

Rememberance is either therapeutic or taxing, and for me it has been both during Lock Down.

Having Gary’s five year anniversary thrown into the equation added a rather heavy burden to the mix. The day of 21/04/20 was beautiful, but the Saturday before was brutal. The tears, the memories of last conversations and connections hit hard..I text my girlfriend’s. ‘I am struggling’..they responded with words and photos.. ‘we are holding you..’

And they did…on the Sunday I got up..ran, rowed and I was revived..on Dishwashing Dads day we BBQ, ate his home baked Pavolva, and the Cups made me a book of memories.

Rebooted… ‘the time to pause and pace’ myself has been beautiful. Recently I spoke with a friend that in my life I have given myself time and space to reboot…when I was 18 I went to America, after Uni I worked in the SU..then another year in America…home to work..backpacking around the world…time at home after kids (well 7 years)…then I stepped off the Career ladder and just before Lock Down I had a conversation with work.. ‘I need to slow down’…I am now rebooted again, I’m enjoying time with the Cups and cycling with George..

I am zooming Uni friends, and my beautiful family…these aren’t new connections just rebooted ways of connecting..

Remoulded..my work has remoulded my skills in Lock Down…I am still able to connect, but my skills in technology have been up skilled and thus coupled with my passion for Wellness work and creativity has been very fulfilling

…my thoughts for writing and creating are over flowing…maybe I’ll hand over the book I’ve written…but I’m rebooted in my connection with my family…

With my parents we have more time to converse…with the Cups our journey of Family life has cemented our connections…we still shout..we still tease…but fundamentally we like and love each other..I just keep coming (most of the time) from that empathetic mum place…(I dig hard often)!

But I’m being kind to myself…as I watched George chat to his dad at Gary’s grave yesterday…with the sun shinning and the birds singing, I thought… ‘no mum wants to view this’, but as we got back onto our bikes after he turned to me and said… ‘are you ready mum..’ and he patted the headstone I thought.. ‘you’ve got this Tracey…we’ve got this as a Dishwashing Family’… and guess what?

‘You’ve got this..’