In a weekend where I have reminisced, remembered and retold stories of days gone by.. I’m reminded of the ‘script of my life’ and those who have touched it.

There is a beauty and rawness in the reflection, along with a mindfulness of the steps trodden, skipped, and trundled on my own, and with others.

What has my ‘script of life’ to date taught me? Be Kind.. Love..Connect..

Kindness, love and connection with ourselves, others and our environment scribes a tale which fulfils and forms a narrative of wellness and wholeness.

Although others may try to copy or corrupt our ledger of life..the narrative we tell ourselves, the words we listen to, and the voice we project are ours..we need to pen our words of life kindly, with love and connection.

Pause with patience and pen your ‘script of life’ which tells your full potential to be the person you are, and can be.. Xox

I’ve always been a bit manic about my teeth, and brushing them… It’s just my thing!

Toothpaste is a great analogy for the wellness in our Dishwashing life… Wellness requires an action, sometimes a conscious or unconscious thought… But there has to be a doing…

It is the same with our toothpaste… We all have a toothpaste, we all at some stage brush our teeth, how often we do it is a personal decision.

As a mum I taught my Cups how to brush their teeth and how long they may need to brush them, and I ensure they have the brush and toothpaste to carry out the action! (I still do).

We each have our own Wellness toothpaste… How we squeeze out our wellness is up to us personally, how often we reach for our wellness toothpaste in life is also personal, it can be a collective or personal wellness toothpaste experience around your dishwashing sink of life, or again an individual action in solitude.

I always ask my Cups, ‘have you brushed your teeth?’… (it was learned from my mum)…

Brushing my teeth is the first and last action of my day, and often inbetween. I don’t feel ‘ready’ for my day if I haven’t picked up the toothpaste and brushed… it is the same with my daily routine of wellness, walks/runs, creative writing, mindfulness, healthy diet… All have become integral to my daily living wellness. It can be a chore at times but I know the need to brush the wellness daily…

Whatever toothpaste of wellness you use, whatever brush you use… the collective act of ‘toothpaste brushing’ allows a wellness of our oral health… Let’s make sure we continue with our individual and collective wellness health…

Keep brushing your wellness, it allows for a ‘shinny, sparkly, strong’, SELF xox

she knew her soul had adventures.
life with its serendipity of journey
was at times complicated and challenging...
it wasn't without its laughter and love,
but the energy to keep moving, keep feeling, keep going
was a hike...
it required spirit, it required support, it required soul...
she knew she had more adventures to travel,
she knew she had a tribe,
she knew she had her soul...
the answer lay in her step
in her surroundings
...in her mountains, in her hills and in her trails...

she looked into her soul,
she sought her tribe,
and as she scaled her hills, trails and mountains

she listened to the winds of nature,
the whisper of the wind,
the words of her soul, her girls, her tribe...

she listened with an ear that heard,
she felt with a heart that embraced,
and she stepped with her Soul Girl Tribe.

Last year I came across a Post on FB about ‘Soul Girl Adventures’. Kelly wanted to connect with her Tribe of women and in the last year, she has, I have, we all have!

My journey of Grief recovery started its journey of healing with a ‘3 Peak Challenge’ with the Rowing Ladies 3 years ago, then I learnt to row, my next challenge was to run a marathon, and then during the Summer of 2019 I decided I wanted to return to the hiking and trails that Gary and I had always done during our family life together…to gain my confidence I needed a group…my Tribe of Soul Girls Adventures found me…

During my first hike with them I had the wonderful opportunity to lead a creative writing session…for Kelly the Tribe is about embracing the unique talents of each and every female…

but it was what happened on that trail back to the car down Binevenagh that touched my Soul…it was a connection with the ‘woman within who walked my way’… Each female brought with her a story, a shared emotion, and a strength which radiated with richness and resilience. I knew these women… I was these women and I wanted to become these women. I met my fellow widows, my fellow alone females, the mums, the wives, the artists, the runners, the hikers, the walkers and the daredevils.

We each have our own lineage of life at which we lament, laugh and love.

I have written before in this Blog about the ‘Wonderfulness of Women’… the Women who have carried me, supported, and given me life to live…

All my life I have walked trails and hills with my parents, my friends, with Gary and the Cups, on my solo travels around the world, and here in NI (especially over the past five years) as I have navigated the sorrow and healing of my soul and heart…

nature and my steps have filled my lungs with air,

my body with energy

and my head with space,

The Soul Girl hikes over the past year

have filled my steps with spirit,

my conversations with craic,

and my adventures with awe…

thanks for your inspired insight Kelly and to my fellow Tribe, you are inspirational…

Thankyou xox

1997…

Well! What can I say, the trip, journey, is coming to an end…it’s 5.55pm I’m cruising through the air from Boston to London…I’m experiencing such a mixed bag of emotions…

…my dream has been fulfilled in every way I could imagine and much more…I’ve fulfilled so many dreams in this trip and seen and experienced things I could only (if ever) imagine in my dreams.

I do feel like crying at the moment because I am sad. Ever since I was 10 years of age I have wanted to Backpack around the world. Never again or at least for a long time will I be able to go on such a prolonged experience !

I feel very centered, and have reached an equilibrium and plateaux on which I feel very contented and sorted…I feel very at peace with myself and my soul…

I read these words now as a 49 year old, I read them and smile…

I have got to travel extensively around the world since 1997, (maybe not exclusively for over 8 months)… it is the one gift Gary and I bestowed on our Cups, and their childhood…they have travelled Europe, UK, Ireland, SE Asia and America (Alex, Africa).

Travel has always been my love, it is my go-to desire…it is what excites me, and has moulded me… I know it all began in my first two years when we migrated to Singapore with dads job… my parents travelled when luxury was limited… I guess it has roughened my outer self and softened my inner soul…

In my diary from 1997 as I finished my travels I wrote about the 6 things I had learned!

– the love in my childhood

– power I have as me

– my love for Gary

– beauty of people and their cultures

– beauty of nature

– patience

In a week where we have been witness to scenes of such sad acts of cruelty, we have also been witness to many acts of absolute kindness!

In the past 10 weeks when we have experienced a complete upheaval of all that is familiar to us, we have also witnessed and realised what is most important to us

In my life, my 6 learnings from my travels, the love in childhood, the love of myself, the love in adult hood, the love of fellow man and their cultures, the love of nature, and patience to be still and mindful in life, have all been lived, loved and lent forward to my Cups…

1997…‘I’ve learnt to wait, and relax and take life as it comes….the realisation that…

I really don’t want to loose and miss out on any second in life!

Finally, it’s been beautiful, wonderful and I feel very happy with life…’

2020…the lessons of my travels, have been lived, passed on and loved….

3:45pm, 24 March 1997, the letter was sent from Enniskillen, Poste Restante, GPO, Rarotonga

The letter remained unclaimed, it was returned to sender..

4:40pm, 16th May 2020, the recipient is sorting photos into albums..it falls out.. and she is transported to another time in her life…

The letter writer, tells of nights out in 1997 Enniskillen..snippets from home life, and words of love.. Dishwashing man..the amaurous letter writer is no longer with us physically, but the art of his written word warms her heart.

She ponders as she reads, she recalls the resplendence of Rarotonga, the distance of desire, and in a letter of three pages she is transported in time, in place, and age…

When time, place and age move and alter, the core of love remains rooted, real and ravishing!

In this moment of time there is reflection of the past, cognizance of reality, and an acceptance of what really matters.

At this time in her life, she realises that the art of the letter does that in its script. The very nature of its correspondence involves a desire, an action, and a motive to connect..

She reflects and is thankful for the letter, thankful she has many in her collection, and she will never be saddened that the text of technology was not around in her days of youth, love, and travel… because she is sure a text would not imprint like the letter..

Perhaps we need to be more mindful to pick up the pen, discourse the words and leave our dialogue imprinted xox

Daisy is my favourite flower…I wore her in my hair for my wedding day…I held her in my bunch of flowers, and she decorated our cake…

Daisy filled my childhood moments with creativity and childhood conversations as I wove chains of ‘daisy delights’ to wear in my hair, around my neck, and on my wrists (even as a child I had a daisy ankle chain).🌼🌼🌼🌼

…all beautiful moments with Daisy were either shared or in solitude..the rituals of her were continued with College friends, and my own Cups.

As I walked the trails of Necarne this evening, I was reminded of the meadows of my youth…the wildflowers are bountiful, the choral of the birds is heart warming, and the filter of the scenery is breath taking!

As I walked, I smiled… there she was ‘My Daisy’, her simplicity is her beauty.

Her ability to be herself simply in the midst of all of nature is her ‘wonder and delight.’ Her form curves gently into the breeze, she can be small or tall and it doesn’t alter her ability to move with a grace all of her own. She does not revel in gaudiness but in the simple natural colours of white, yellow and green.

Daisy brings a hug to my heart, a memory to my mind, and a sensation to my soul…she is, and always will be my ‘favourite flower friend’ in nature….and we have a lot to glean from her..

Simply be yourself, and embrace the grace of your wonderful being…

…be YOU…that’s all you need to be…

be a Daisy…

I have to be honest I’ve started a few posts during Lock Down and I’ve abandoned them…that got me thinking… Why?

The separation of Lock Down has reminded me, rebooted me, and remoulded me.

Rememberance is either therapeutic or taxing, and for me it has been both during Lock Down.

Having Gary’s five year anniversary thrown into the equation added a rather heavy burden to the mix. The day of 21/04/20 was beautiful, but the Saturday before was brutal. The tears, the memories of last conversations and connections hit hard..I text my girlfriend’s. ‘I am struggling’..they responded with words and photos.. ‘we are holding you..’

And they did…on the Sunday I got up..ran, rowed and I was revived..on Dishwashing Dads day we BBQ, ate his home baked Pavolva, and the Cups made me a book of memories.

Rebooted… ‘the time to pause and pace’ myself has been beautiful. Recently I spoke with a friend that in my life I have given myself time and space to reboot…when I was 18 I went to America, after Uni I worked in the SU..then another year in America…home to work..backpacking around the world…time at home after kids (well 7 years)…then I stepped off the Career ladder and just before Lock Down I had a conversation with work.. ‘I need to slow down’…I am now rebooted again, I’m enjoying time with the Cups and cycling with George..

I am zooming Uni friends, and my beautiful family…these aren’t new connections just rebooted ways of connecting..

Remoulded..my work has remoulded my skills in Lock Down…I am still able to connect, but my skills in technology have been up skilled and thus coupled with my passion for Wellness work and creativity has been very fulfilling

…my thoughts for writing and creating are over flowing…maybe I’ll hand over the book I’ve written…but I’m rebooted in my connection with my family…

With my parents we have more time to converse…with the Cups our journey of Family life has cemented our connections…we still shout..we still tease…but fundamentally we like and love each other..I just keep coming (most of the time) from that empathetic mum place…(I dig hard often)!

But I’m being kind to myself…as I watched George chat to his dad at Gary’s grave yesterday…with the sun shinning and the birds singing, I thought… ‘no mum wants to view this’, but as we got back onto our bikes after he turned to me and said… ‘are you ready mum..’ and he patted the headstone I thought.. ‘you’ve got this Tracey…we’ve got this as a Dishwashing Family’… and guess what?

‘You’ve got this..’

I haven’t mastered the ‘Tik Tok’ App yet but give me time…today after six months I replaced the battery in my kitchen clock and it is now ticking…

I have a little more time to attend to such things now, (and because of the fact I couldn’t work out what the time was), as every device, bar the phone is registering a different time !

It made me ponder…in the last couple of months, life has been hectic to say the least…life is still hectic with work, and the Cups despite the ‘lock down’…but the moments of ‘Time” have a very different feel.

Before the ‘virus’ as described to me today..I chose how busy my moments would be, I was in control, so there was an energy in my actions.

At the moment I’m enforcing my moments to form a routine to keep me well! Family, exercise, work, food…the focus is as before, but the requirements involve a very different… Tick…Tock!

I have to muster my energy…all my senses are feeling the enormity of Time…it does remind me of the motions of illness and grief..there is a required movement forward, but sometimes like my clock you just want to STOP! However moments go forward into minutes, hours and days…

It may seem that your TIME is standing still, but even in this moment of your life you have the control of the Tick Tock of yourself…please keep it ‘wound up’ with your Wellness xox