‘So what has been the most enjoyable part of your holiday?’, I ask the Cups. With lots of giggles and laughter they reply, ‘when you tried to walk the waves when getting of the Boat-  did you not know you would sink?’. 

Yes, I tried to ‘walk the waves of the Spanish water’, and I’ll let you know I failed, but I did manage to gracefully keep my glasses on my head, and swim to the surface! It reminded me of when I first started to negotiate this single parenting as a widow!

With Gary my Dishwashing hubbie we had discussed endlessly his death and family life for me and the Cups after his death but the reality didn’t sink in until I had to tread the waves of it with grief in tow!! 

I took a couple of months off work from the Nov-Jan before Gary died in the April to have discussions, conversations and feel his presence and insight with regard to my fears, utter heartache and uncertainty! We chatted, we held each other, we cried (well mostly me), even as he faced death he fulfilled his marital promise ’till death do us part’ and really he still is…

What I learnt about our journey with cancer is the importance of communication – however that is – for me it was talking – for Gary it was his usually stoic, strong silence of loving. When someone has an illness they won’t suddenly start talking if they are not that way inclined – he told me in his few words, his beautiful hugs and kindness of love everything I needed then and even now! 

As I stepped into the unknown waters of ‘widowhood’ like the Spanish sea yesterday I did initially sink, panic and gulp for breath! But I used my intuition, my strength and learned behaviours to swim and fight against the tides and waves of grief, fear and uncertainty!

What has helped the most has been the laughter, the joy and tears of my ‘Cups’ – many moments occurred after Gary’s death where tears overwhelmed one of us and in those precious moments we naturally navigated towards each other for ‘Kernaghan Family Hugs’ – it was a spontaneous mutual connection founded and nurtured in our Dishwashing Family from our beginning! 

So when I sank the other day despite their absolute joy and delight at my descent each of the Cups instantly came to my rescue to push, pull and coax me back onto the hamburger again!! 

Please remember all our words, actions and love empower our future generations positively forward xox