Conversations can be real or imaginary, they can nurture or they can destroy, they can hinder or they can support, they can tear apart your soul or light up your heart!!

I love to converse, I love to connect and chat. To be connected in our conversations with each other we have to really listen to each other – to have conversations with ourselves we have to really listen to our heart and inner voice!!

Throughout my journey over the past couple of years there have been many, many conversations within our Dishwashing family, with friends, with my creative buddies and my students – and with myself!

In all of these exchanges I’ve laughed, cried, been happy, been angry, been sad and hopeful x

My conversations with myself often occurred on my solo runs in Necarne or on the beach of Benone – when I needed to clarify, emote or cry I ran and I still do ! For me the outdoor trails of the Country Park or Beach are my therapy room!! During these conversations I replay, I dictate, I imagine and I acknowledge my reality – I always stop on a run (usually near water) and meditate (mindfulness it’s called now). 

My conversations with others have been intrumental in my grieving and healing journey! With the ‘Cups’ Gary and I were open and honest and it has proved to be a medicinal medication of natural healing and connection in our family – only once did I hold back from the truth with the Cups and I was ‘found out!’.

At the beginning of the summer (before Gary died in the April) we got the news that the cancer had spread to his bones – we were in Benone and the sun was shinning and I said, ‘please let’s not tell the Cups just yet!’ 

Forward two weeks, we are in Lego Land – the sun is shinning and Gary tries to take one of our ‘family selfies’ – he always did! But he couldn’t the Cancer had cracked his bones in his arms – I got a look from one of the Cups! I felt the guilt – I was ‘caught out’ – as we meandered around Lego Land they came up to me and said – ‘You never told me’, I replied, ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t I only just found out!’ They replied, ‘I’m scared – daddy is going to die’ – I replied, ‘he will, but we are all going to die, I know you feel sad and scared, those are very real feelings, but look at your daddy, is he being sad or unhappy? You have a choice here, you can be unhappy and waste moments of connection with your daddy or enjoy your moments with him to make memories – it’s your choice’, (it was a hard conversation!) 

I recall then taking a moment of conversing with myself – as the sun shone, as the Cups played I looked at Dishwasher Man and felt an undying respect, pride and aweness at his ability to be so alive while facing death! (I was also mindful of the unfairness of the reality – here I was with my beautiful family enjoying Lego Land and cancer was invading – I acknowledged my anger!)

Tonight I went out to meet a friend home from Oz – our connection is growing up in Lisbellaw village, our conversations via FB and tonight are centred on husbands who have faced illness – 

I use the medium of FB often to privately connect with others – little did I know it’s power – 

Tonight I also met a lot of my friends and students who I have taught – our connected conversations were beautiful! Thank you for your kind words and openness!

In life please continue to take the silence to listen, the time to communicate and the strength to accept support – in doing so we are listening and positively loving ourselves and others xox

Just to let you know – Lego Land was voted the ‘Best Dishwashing’ Family Holiday in our final family conversation xox